The verge of success.

More of a personal blog.

For the last two years, I have been on a constant grind toward trying to be successful. I’ve had some success, but at the current time of writing, I’m again without a job and struggling to pay bills. I’ve learned a lot over the last two years and have significantly improved in several areas, but it is somewhat demoralizing to find myself in almost the same situation as when I started. Ego aside, I think my resume is starting to finally shape up, and my skills speak for themselves. But I keep on getting rejected over and over and over by companies and organizations I know I could thrive in.

I know that rejection is a basic part of life and professional success—but goddamnit, it hurts like hell.

Watching all of the HGC teams this week that tried their absolute hardest and failed is heart-wrenching for me because I know exactly what it feels like to put all of your hopes and dreams and ideas and effort into something, work as hard as possible, and still fail. I know exactly how shitty that feels.

For a long time, I’ve felt like I’m standing on the edge of a precipice, wondering what it would feel like to fall and lose everything. I feel so close to success yet so close to complete and abject failure…it doesn’t feel like a straight line. I have actually stood on the edge of a cliff, on the top of a building, and wondered what it would be like to fall. It has been a sickeningly dark thought that has followed me around constantly in the last two years: that fear (and curiosity) of losing everything.

Still, I try to stick to what I know, and what I know is that I will be successful in some measure if I just keep trying. I hope.

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